that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
