Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just sent this text using only my big toe
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
