she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
