dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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