forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
