I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
