Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
