if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
