It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
