hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
