Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
