youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
