I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
