It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
