i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
