Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
