lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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