Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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