Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
