In the future we'll all be gay
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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