is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
