don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
