I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
