dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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