ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
