Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
