i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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