Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
