you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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