ugly people sure do ruin things
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
