Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
