Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
