i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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