...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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