I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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