FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
