If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Apparently you make a good broom.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
