He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
