so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So vagazzling was a success
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
