My underwear smells like fireworks.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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