Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
