the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Even my vagina gasped.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
