i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
