Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
