I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
