My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
