Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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