Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
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