Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
