does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
