god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just puked most of my soul out..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
