If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
